I wasn't always a good girl that sat in the home all day messing around on the computer. I'd a rebellious phase, as teenage girls tend to have around the full time they hit eighteen and think they're grown.
By that point I had been taken from senior school twice. The first time wasn't my fault: I had been bullied – rumors being spread about me that everyone, even my parents thought were true – and things got out of hand. The fallout from my parents needing to pull me out of school the first time caused them to get a divorce. That wasn't my fault, as their marriage had been strained for quite a long time at that point. Still, it was difficult not to understand that I was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The 2nd time, I was expelled – and I certainly had deserved to be – I went a little wild. Maybe I was acting out. I had been coping with my mom after she split from dad and she didn't have what it took to discipline me. She was the sort of woman who could never stand up for herself. I'm like her in a lot of ways.
I was drinking and smoking a lot. I spent most of this year skipping class and getting either high or drunk with friends. Within a few months, the rumors from my old school followed me.
It's a strange feeling when you know something isn't true but you imagine it anyway. Particularly when it's something about yourself. Maybe I was just tired of trying to guard myself, or I was bitter. I don't know. If everyone thought I was a brainless slut who'd let anyone use her, I should just cave in and be that girl. It made far more sense at the time, somehow.
The disappearing started then. My mom wouldn't see me for days at a time while I hung out and got blackout drunk with college boys or older men. She couldn't stop me. Legally, I was an adult. What could she do? Eventually, after missing months of class, I was expelled. At her wit's end, my mother decided that I couldn't live with her anymore and that I would need to go stick to my dad instead.
My dad was a different animal entirely.
He and my mother had gotten together when they were in high school. She was pregnant when they graduated and, to his credit, he stayed with her and provided the best life he could afford. That wasn't to express he was happy about it.
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