I wasn't always a good girl that sat at home all day messing around on the computer. I had a rebellious phase, as teenage girls tend to get around enough time they hit eighteen and think they're grown.
By that point I have been removed from high school twice. The first time wasn't my fault: I had been bullied – rumors being spread about me that everyone, even my parents thought were true – and things got out of hand. The fallout from my parents being forced to pull me out of school initially caused them to get a divorce. That wasn't my fault, as their marriage had been strained for quite a while at that point. Still, it was difficult not to realize that I was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The 2nd time, I was expelled – and I certainly had deserved to be – I went only a little wild. Maybe I was acting out. I have been managing my mom after she split from dad and she didn't have what it took to discipline me. She was the kind of woman who could never stand up for herself. I'm like her in plenty of ways.
I was drinking and smoking a lot. I spent most of this year skipping class and getting either high or drunk with friends. Within a couple of months, the rumors from my old school followed me.
It is a strange feeling when you know something isn't true but you imagine it anyway. Specially when it's something about yourself. Maybe I was just fed up with trying to guard myself, or I was bitter. I don't know. If everyone thought I was a brainless slut who would let anyone use her, I should just surrender and be that girl. It made much more sense at the time, somehow.
The disappearing started then. My mom wouldn't see me for days at the same time while I hung out and got blackout drunk with college boys or older men. She couldn't stop me. Legally, I was an adult. What could she do? Eventually, after missing months of class, I was expelled. At her wit's end, my mother decided that I couldn't live with her anymore and that I would have to go stick with my dad instead.
My father was an alternative animal entirely.
He and my mother had gotten together when these were in high school. She was pregnant once they graduated and, to his credit, he stayed with her and provided the best life he could afford. That wasn't to express he was happy about it.
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