I do not subscribe to certain "therapeutic" beliefs which appear to believe that some feelings and emotions are negative. None of them are "negative". They are all part of you. It is of course possible to express them negatively, the psychopath again being the most extreme example. We can express our emotions in other negative ways. We can bitch about people, talk about them behind their backs. We can hurt people we love and wonder why. If we find ourselves often acting in ways which we later regret it may be a good idea to seek out counselling or some other kind of support. Most of us will not become perfect. Things that are troubling us or ill health can result in anyone being unreasonable sometimes and usually those we love will forgive us if we apologise for our mood and let them know they are not to blame.
Our feelings and emotions are there for a very good reason. Unfortunately during the process of growing up almost all of us will have found that we sometimes needed to hide who we are. In order to gain in self knowledge we do need to be in touch with our feelings and emotions, we need to be honest about our feelings and emotions and we need to both realise that a feeling or emotion is never "bad", and that our feelings and emotions are ours, so no one else is responsible for them…….We have the right to feel them but not to blame others for them. This may sound as if it is judgemental. If you blame someone for your feelings and emotions then you are in some way "bad" or wrong, but that is not what I am meaning. If we wish to gain our own autonomy, then we need our feelings and emotions and we need to own them as our own. They can be our very best friend, letting us know what we can trust and so on. It is fine to say "I got angry when Jen did whatever" but not to say to Jen "You made me angry when you...", the simple reason being that Jen did not make you angry, you made yourself angry. We need rather to look at our anger, or whatever other feeling or emotion it is and see why it is making us angry, what it is saying to us. In this way we can gain in self knowledge and become the directors of our own lives!
All the methods at http://www.creative-personal-growth.com are helpful for dealing with feelings and emotions. Meditation helps you to get in touch with your genuine feeling self, our intrinsic being. Counselling can help to get things off your chest and give you support to move through difficult situations. Journal writing is another excellent way to stay in touch with yourself. Astrology can even help as a basic understanding of temperament. Assertion Training is an excellent skill to learn and can greatly increase confidence and provide skills which allow you to communicate effectively wherein you are neither treated as a doormat, nor do you feel the need to be aggressive. Rome was not built in a day but getting in touch with your feelings and emotions will allow you to feel very much more alive within each moment. Remember though, with feelings you need to take the whole package. I think that there are few feelings or emotions which are too difficult to bare (intense grief possibly being one). The thing that seems to make feelings uncomfortable is panicking when they arise. Most feelings and emotions when accepted, even sadness are quite comfortable. I imagine that this is because there is a warmth in feeling and if we accept even our sadness, we find there is warmth with it.
There is a deep morality in being honest about your feelings and emotions. Some people believe that if they do not show they are angry no one will know. I don’t believe this. People who do not genuinely express themselves when they are angry tend either to find themselves from time to time exploding in a rage or quite often they indulge in a practice known as passive aggression, whereby they say things to another which can be deeply hurtful but are said in such a way that it is difficult for the person to know how to react.
Working out feelings and emotions and getting in touch with your genuine felt self offers an inner richness which is totally independent to any material wealth.
About the Author:
Moreen Scott lived for two years in a Buddhist community, has undergone depth therapy and worked as a counsellor. She has a BA Hons Degree and a PGCE. Visit her site where she looks at the ideas of Freud, Jung and Carl Rogers and the systems of Buddhism and Astrology on the subject of Self and offers personal growth resources from a person centred perspective.
Feelings and Emotions Part 2 No Feelings are Negative
